One of the most common concerns I hear from parents I work with deals with how to help their child feel more confident while they struggle with a particular skill or academic area.
When children are facing challenges in reading and math, it is easy for them to become defeated and lose confidence as they get feedback with D’s and F’s on tests and assignments. To that end, often when parents hire me, in addition to finding strategies to improve performance, they will say something like “can you help them feel more confident?” To this I say “Absolutely!”
As a former teacher, I know first-hand the importance of helping children feel better about themselves and how it relates to how well they perform in school. But considering the fact that students spend more time with their parents than with a teacher or tutor, it is imperative that they also know how to uplift their children. Below are three simple ways parents can help build confidence in their children:
Don’t Compare: If you have more than one child it may be tempting to use the achievements of the most advanced or best performing child as a measuring stick for the others. You may also use your own past performance in school to gauge if your child is doing well or is “on track”. However, though this is tempting, it can be disastrous for your child’s sense of self-esteem and confidence to be constantly reminded that their older siblings are “smarter” or “get it” more than they do. Remember that your children are unique, along with how and when they learn. Don’t pressure them with unrealistic expectations to be more like you, siblings or friends.
Recognize What’s Right: When children make mistakes in their school work, it’s easy to become so focused on helping them to improve that we may only comment on what they’re doing wrong. However, constant and repeated emphasis on mistakes does nothing to motivate a child to do better. As a private tutor I have witnessed children shut completely down when parents repeatedly shame them for mistakes. Just like adults, if a child is constantly reminded of what a crummy job they are doing, they will eventually lose the motivation to improve. To help your child feel more confident about their capabilities, be sure to praise them with a “good job!” or “I noticed where you improved…” Even if it’s something small, the time you take to sincerely recognize and praise their progress will fuel them to keep going!
Love Unconditionally: Parents often have an idealized image of what their children should be like from how they look, to their personalities, to how they perform in school. However, just because we may want a child that fits a certain image, it doesn’t mean that we will always get it. Children have a deep desire to be unconditionally loved and seen as valuable by parents no matter what they do and how well they perform at school. Furthermore, no one, including adults, likes to be pressured to live up to the expectations of others that they cannot control. If your child is struggling at school, do address it, but do not make them feel that your acceptance of and love for them is contingent on their academic performance. A child who knows they are loved because of who they are, rather than what they do, will find confidence in the ever-present security net of their parent’s unconditional love for them.
Getting and keeping a child who is struggling motivated can be a challenge for parents, teachers and tutors alike. However, when we work together, we have the potential to create a solid team of cheerleaders whose sideline encouragement can help keep a child in the game of learning. If you are looking for ways to build more confidence in your child, try some of the strategies listed above. You may also contact me here to find out about private tutoring options they may help your child improve at school.
